Upon Deeper Reflection

A friend of mine recently lost her husband to an incredibly fluke accident. Not really an accident though, as no one else but the deceased party was involved. This man was young and healthy, with forty more years of life to store under his belt. And then he was dead. Discovered on the couch without a wound in sight. There were no warning signs my friend might’ve acted upon to save his life. Nothing that might have been done to prolong his time so at the very least he might say goodbye. He was alive, and then he wasn’t. Along with a heartbroken wife, he left behind four young children and a gaping hole with no way of filling.

I was left breathless upon hearing about this tragedy. I wept as though it were my own person gone, my own children suddenly and indelibly fatherless.

Like many people I would presume, I often wonder why God works the way He does. I muse about the paradigm by which He abides - if He does in fact abide by any such thing - that exists without agenda or motive. Hearing about tragedies, especially those involving children, always brings me up short, punctuating my day with a certain sorrow and helplessness, and a deeper longing for clarity. But why? my heart begs. God’s ways are a mystery to me; knowing I am not capable of understanding all of His plans and purposes, instead, in times of unrest and bemusement, I am called to simply trust they are Good. To have faith and believe He is working for those who love Him. It is not always an easy task. I imagine many of us struggle here, united in our wanting for answers and desire for justice. But then I remember: by whom’s ruler am I measuring what is right and just?

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us the Work Jesus performs on our behalf is to procure a hope and a future. I believe this. I believe it with every fiber of my being, even when my soul feels unbearably weary by the evil that seems to run unchecked. “Lord. give me wisdom,” I often request, “to see as You see, to not allow my weak and fragile comprehension to usurp Your higher ways.” Often times I think what I want is accountability from those who have hurt the innocent, and I do. We absolutely should strive to give a voice to those broken in silence; however what I often forget is that more than what I want - what I need is to be reminded of His goodness. To rest in it. To bring this truth into my lungs, allow it to fill every cell of which I’m compromised. Like most everything, it is not about me. As one fully dependent on God’s mercy and grace, I am in no position to ask Why. Though because He is merciful beyond measure, there are times when I believe he permits a glimpse of His mind, for surely that is all we humans can possibly handle - a mere glimpse. Anything else would certainly unmake us.

And it is only upon deeper reflection I recall that in a world upside down and inside out, Jesus still sits on His throne. His ways are perfect. He is without fault. We must not only know this but live from this knowing, relying on His venerable paternity to carry us through life’s most blistering storms. For even in the very, very worst of times, we are never left Fatherless.